It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
