i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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