If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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