Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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