I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
