Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize