do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
