Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Moan for me like Helen Keller
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize