so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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