He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
