how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
