our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
