& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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