Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
