he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
