i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
worst night to have a conscience
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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