I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
