I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
