I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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