he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize