So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
