Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
