If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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