someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize