The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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