He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
