I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
