I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
We have so much sex to catch up on
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
