Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
