you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Randomize
