So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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