Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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