My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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