He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
