i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i just had sex bonerless
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
