my text book just quoted the cookie monster
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
