I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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