my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
