Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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