Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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