Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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