Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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