Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
