I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
