Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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