Just fell off a train. Bad.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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