These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
