Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
