I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
