margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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