I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize