I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Randomize
