My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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