I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
