My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
