Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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