If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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