this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
