I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
