he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
