i just google imaged poop.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
