hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
