I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
