Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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